Thanksgiving

Possibly my expectations were too high for Thanksgiving this year. Possibly I wanted it to be the most special, significant event of the year (barring Christmas), because it's my favorite holiday and it's about food and family and cooking, three of my favorite things. Possibly I counted too much on my cooking abilities or my ability to get along with my mother, but whatever the possibility inherent in my hopes for the holiday this year, suffice to say, things didn't work out as I wanted.

A month to two weeks before Thanksgiving: Start planning by browsing recipe sites, watching Food Network almost constantly, and buying no less than five Thanksgiving-themed magazines (Oprah, Martha Stewart, Food Network, Pillsbury, etc.)

One week before: begin downloading recipes for the meal and planning a menu.

Two days before: Tell each family member they will be responsible for cooking/preparing one or more dishes for Thanksgiving.

One day before:
Watch Miracle on 34th Street, old and new versions, on Kindle Fire (birthday present that arrived late)

Thanksgiving Eve:
2:30 PM--go to Valentine to do our Thanksgiving Shopping, with a list that includes the detailed quantities of ingredients we need to make this amazing meal, with the favorite dishes of each family member and some signs of good planning (food storage containers, for example, in preparation for leftovers).
3:30 PM--mother screws up careful planning by deciding she's buying certain things on the list and she takes "her list" and a separate shopping cart and begins throwing in things, disregarding all stated quantities, brands and prices. Gah!
4:30 PM--emerge from grocery shopping nightmare wherein no less than 150 people are pushing carts through the store with a crazed look in their eyes, vying for the last stocked can of chicken broth and refusing to move their cart so you can get to the produce. Have overspent budget for the meal by a significant amount.
4:45 PM--still in parking lot at supermarket, waiting for mother to emerge with her shopping. Have already filled the backseat and storage area of the van with own shopping, trying to figure out how to fit her shopping in among four other people in the car.
5:00 PM--decide to skip cooking dinner in favor of drive through food for family, which entails calling each family member not present to ask them what they want from McDonald's or Subway.
5:30 PM--arrive home, get kids to haul in the groceries, start unpacking groceries.
6:30 PM--still unpacking and putting away groceries.
7 PM--finally finished. Considering a lie down.
7:30 PM--organize cooking list with names of each person, the dish they are making and the approximate time they should make it. Worked on list with sister, who insisted on volunteering to make things. List posted on refrigerator, each person having agreed to their cooking duties. (Own duties are: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, scalloped potatoes, pumpkin spice cake, cheesecake, cranberry sauce)
9 PM--finally finished procrastinating and realize that pies and other desserts won't cook themselves. Have organized mother into making pies this evening to save time and oven space on Thanksgiving morning.
11:30 PM--finally finished making Turtle Cheesecake and Pumpkin Cake, still waiting for mother to make pies.
12:00 PM--finally finished making pies mother was supposed to make, a process that involved mother coming and telling me I was doing it wrong and adding a bunch of crap to the pies that weren't in the recipe and mother spilling pie filling all over bottom of oven causing burnt pumpkin smell and smoke to fill house, overtaking the previously yummy smells of baking pumpkin and cheesecake. Yum!
12:45 PM--finally finished with the dishes. Bed.

Thanksgiving Morning:
9 AM--wake up to the sounds of my mother trying to cook something. Recognize the sounds by the slamming of pots and pans falling out of cupboard. Oy. Get up, get coffee, observe mother.
9:15 AM--phone call from dialysis clinic. Husband sent to ER because he threw up, blood pressure high, rapid breathing, suspect heart attack. Drive to hospital.
10:30 AM--husband released from ER for indigestion. Crap.
11 AM--arrive home to find mother has decided to cook turkeys three hours before planned time. One turkey completely done. One turkey still frozen but in oven. Crap crap crap! Also, baked beans are done, five hours before scheduled dinner. Also, brief argument over who threw away the knife sharpener and the lack of sharp knives. Mother makes colossal mistake in giving brother money to buy a knife sharpener at teh store before it closes at 3 PM. Brother leaves and promises to be back by 4 PM.
12 AM--discover the oven was turned off at some point. Mother denies all knowledge. So does sister. Frozen turkey still frozen in oven. Have completely missed most of Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Thanksgiving afternoon:
12:30 PM--cake frosted, walnuts toasted. Kitchen crowded with mother, self and sister vying for counter and oven space.
1:00 PM--Meal items finished: cranberries, cake, pies, cheesecake, jello, beans, one turkey. Helping various daughters complete their menu items--sweet potatoes in orange cups, fruit salad, relish tray, cranberry cocktails (cranberry juice, sprite, OJ, ice, maraschino cherry and orange slice).
1:30 PM--realize it's a losing battle and mashed potatoes won't be required for at least four more hours while second turkey thaws and cooks. Zone out on Martha Stewart on tv, watching Eureka on Kindle Fire, reading, knitting, embroidering.
2:30 PM--Check on turkey. Still not done. Mother has finally decided to make the bread. Open the wine, drink a fortifying glass, begin making stuffing and mashed potatoes.
3:00 PM-- Mother fell asleep while playing Farmville.
3:30 PM--stuffing in oven, potatoes boiling. Ham cannot be cooked because turkey still not done. Decide there's no use having scalloped potatoes if there's no ham. Take out mother's stuffing.
4:00 PM--Menu items ready: one turkey, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, corn, stuffing #1, stuffing number 2, baked beans, three kinds of cranberries (gelled, whole berries, relish), jello, fruit salad, sweet potato cups, relish tray, various pies, cakes.
4:30 PM--turkey still not fucking done! Bread burnt on bottom. Concede it's my fault for putting bread on lowest oven rack.
5:00 PM--rouse mother to make the gravy. Get killing looks for burning her bread.
5:30 PM--finally call everyone to dinner.

Thanksgiving Night:
6:00 PM--Turkey #2 finally done. Brother shows up sans knife sharpener or money given to him for knife sharpener. Doesn't matter, as turkey was cut with dull knife.
7:00 PM--have a cup of coffee and slice of turtle cheesecake. Best damn cheesecake ever. Referee kids' fights over who has computer, who has tv and who should do dishes. Slightly boggled at complete lack of Christmas/Thanksgiving movies, shows and specials on tv. WTF?
8:00 PM--fall asleep dreading thought of having to find space in refrigerator for leftovers sitting out all over counters in kitchen.
4 AM--wake up, still dreading thought of leftovers left out on counter (probably spoiled by now anyway). Thank sister for putting away leftovers. She staggers off to bed, having spent the entire day and evening worrying about her husband (more on that drahma later).

The only redeeming thing about his holiday was that we didn't decide to leave for Black Friday shopping right after we ate this year like we did last year. Screw shopping for Christmas. I want to spend Christmas in a monastery or something, away from the family drahma and cooking competition.

And final thing: we all tried to avoid it, we didn't say a word about it at all yesterday, but we were all really missing my grandma and my aunt who both passed away this past year. Last year we went to their house for dessert on Thanksgiving day, and if we'd known it was their last we would have spent more time with them, enjoying them. Maybe it's a lesson we haven't yet taken completely to heart, because we were all rubbing each other raw all day (except the kids). It was a heartbreaking Thanksgiving for us, a family who enjoyed this holiday for so many years with jokes from my aunt that she'd shot and cooked Big Bird and my grandmother always cooking a 40 lb. turkey her sister, my Aunt June, had raised. Aunt June is gone, too, and the two little 14 lb birds we cooked were bitter, dry reminders of the joy we have always had at Thanksgiving with Aunt Diana and Grandma Betty.